When Heartache Brings Blessings-part 1

As I look back over 2014 I am absolutely amazed at how God works and all the things He has done, not just in the physical but in my heart personally.  2014 brought marriages, new family members, memories, milestones, hardships and even death.  Although I am ready for 2014 to end I am so joyful for ALL that it brought me.  God has touched my heart in ways that I have never had Him touch my heart before.

I found out I was pregnant this fall.  We were super excited but super nervous, could we do this again?!?  I don't have easy pregnancies and although a doctor has never told me I can't or shouldn't have a third child I was given lots of reasons why we may want to stop at two.  Three years ago I was convinced I was done.  I had a boy and a girl and medically (in my mind only) it just didn't seem to be the right thing (I have this nasty habit of playing God).  But I couldn't shake the longing for another child.  I used to ask Chris if he felt that someone was missing from our family, to which he looked at me like I was crazy (which I might be slightly) and said no.  In my mind medically it just wasn't a good idea and in Chris's mind it wasn't a good idea.  However, I went to a Women's retreat and while there I felt that God was telling me that He is the Great Physician, no doctor knows my body as well as He does and if it is in His will for me to have another child, then I will.  I went home and Chris and I talked about it and that was really the end.  We didn't address it a whole lot more.  I prayed about it, a lot; Chris prayed about it some; I kept asking him if people were missing from our family and he kept looking at me like I was crazy.  This continued for a few years. 

Well 2014 brought news that we were going to have another baby.  We were so excited.  We had a sonogram at 8 weeks just to establish that there was a heartbeat and I jokingly said to Chris what if there is two in there.  I thought he was going to pass out.  The doctor saw just one heartbeat and we were on our way.  We had a developmental ultrasound at 12 weeks and it turned our world upside down.  There was two alright.  We were having twins, twin boys to be exact.  Amazing that at 12 weeks we were able to see their gender, and get measurements of their bodies.  I couldn't stop laughing and Chris couldn't believe it.  Our happiness was cut short when we started to look at Baby B, Jonah.  Jonah had a growth in his abdomen that at best guess was a blocked bladder.  The doctor wasn't too optimistic but also had no answers and no real idea what it was she was looking at.  We left her office with an appointment to see her bright and early the next morning to discuss all the reasons that this pregnancy is high risk and to develop a game plan.

Our boys.  Jonah (twin B) on the left and Isaac (twin A) on the right.

I walked out of the office and cried.  The emotions were all over the place.  It had been a particularly stressful day at work, our daughter got sick at school and had to be picked up early, our son had an accident and had to be picked up early.  We were not expecting an ultrasound, we thought we were having a consultation appointment for a surgery that I need during pregnancy.  Overall it was a day full of nothing but unexpected things.  But the coolest part about all the bad that happened that day was that God orchestrated it all.  Had all the "bad" things not have happened the day would have been devastating.  Because my son and daughter had to be picked up early we asked my sister to come over last minute to watch the children.  The original plan was for them to be picked up by their carpools.  The doctors were so late (and they did a totally different appointment than we thought), and then the ultrasound took so long because it was so complicated, that if the kids had not been home with my sister, Chris would have had to have left the doctor appointment before it even started and would have missed the ultrasound and miss all the news.  God knew where we all needed to be at the end of the day and He made sure we were there.

It amazes me how gracious He is, how He cares about the littlest details about my day that he uses the bad to create exactly what needed to be done.  I needed my husband at that ultrasound, I needed his shoulder to cry on as I walked out.  Chris needed to hear it all, he needed to be prepared for how to lead his family down this road.  And as I drove home, in between tears, I kept praising God because I know that my children are fearfully and wonderfully made, and no matter what the outcome is, He is still God and He knows best even if it hurts, He makes sure that everything is as it should be, and I can rest in that.