When Heartache Brings Blessings-part 1

As I look back over 2014 I am absolutely amazed at how God works and all the things He has done, not just in the physical but in my heart personally.  2014 brought marriages, new family members, memories, milestones, hardships and even death.  Although I am ready for 2014 to end I am so joyful for ALL that it brought me.  God has touched my heart in ways that I have never had Him touch my heart before.

I found out I was pregnant this fall.  We were super excited but super nervous, could we do this again?!?  I don't have easy pregnancies and although a doctor has never told me I can't or shouldn't have a third child I was given lots of reasons why we may want to stop at two.  Three years ago I was convinced I was done.  I had a boy and a girl and medically (in my mind only) it just didn't seem to be the right thing (I have this nasty habit of playing God).  But I couldn't shake the longing for another child.  I used to ask Chris if he felt that someone was missing from our family, to which he looked at me like I was crazy (which I might be slightly) and said no.  In my mind medically it just wasn't a good idea and in Chris's mind it wasn't a good idea.  However, I went to a Women's retreat and while there I felt that God was telling me that He is the Great Physician, no doctor knows my body as well as He does and if it is in His will for me to have another child, then I will.  I went home and Chris and I talked about it and that was really the end.  We didn't address it a whole lot more.  I prayed about it, a lot; Chris prayed about it some; I kept asking him if people were missing from our family and he kept looking at me like I was crazy.  This continued for a few years. 

Well 2014 brought news that we were going to have another baby.  We were so excited.  We had a sonogram at 8 weeks just to establish that there was a heartbeat and I jokingly said to Chris what if there is two in there.  I thought he was going to pass out.  The doctor saw just one heartbeat and we were on our way.  We had a developmental ultrasound at 12 weeks and it turned our world upside down.  There was two alright.  We were having twins, twin boys to be exact.  Amazing that at 12 weeks we were able to see their gender, and get measurements of their bodies.  I couldn't stop laughing and Chris couldn't believe it.  Our happiness was cut short when we started to look at Baby B, Jonah.  Jonah had a growth in his abdomen that at best guess was a blocked bladder.  The doctor wasn't too optimistic but also had no answers and no real idea what it was she was looking at.  We left her office with an appointment to see her bright and early the next morning to discuss all the reasons that this pregnancy is high risk and to develop a game plan.

Our boys.  Jonah (twin B) on the left and Isaac (twin A) on the right.

I walked out of the office and cried.  The emotions were all over the place.  It had been a particularly stressful day at work, our daughter got sick at school and had to be picked up early, our son had an accident and had to be picked up early.  We were not expecting an ultrasound, we thought we were having a consultation appointment for a surgery that I need during pregnancy.  Overall it was a day full of nothing but unexpected things.  But the coolest part about all the bad that happened that day was that God orchestrated it all.  Had all the "bad" things not have happened the day would have been devastating.  Because my son and daughter had to be picked up early we asked my sister to come over last minute to watch the children.  The original plan was for them to be picked up by their carpools.  The doctors were so late (and they did a totally different appointment than we thought), and then the ultrasound took so long because it was so complicated, that if the kids had not been home with my sister, Chris would have had to have left the doctor appointment before it even started and would have missed the ultrasound and miss all the news.  God knew where we all needed to be at the end of the day and He made sure we were there.

It amazes me how gracious He is, how He cares about the littlest details about my day that he uses the bad to create exactly what needed to be done.  I needed my husband at that ultrasound, I needed his shoulder to cry on as I walked out.  Chris needed to hear it all, he needed to be prepared for how to lead his family down this road.  And as I drove home, in between tears, I kept praising God because I know that my children are fearfully and wonderfully made, and no matter what the outcome is, He is still God and He knows best even if it hurts, He makes sure that everything is as it should be, and I can rest in that. 

Kinlee's Second Birthday

 To my Daughter on her second birthday:

I can not believe how fast the time has gone.  You joined our family two years ago and we have all been so blessed by your beautiful spirit.  So added so much life to mine, daddy and Ethan's life it is hard to believe you have only been here two years. 

You are a bright girl who loves her stuffed animals and baby dolls.  You take care of them with tender care and love them to pieces!  You have the wildest hair and love it when it is left to do it's own thing.  You adore your brother, "Bubbha" and think that he is the funniest person in the world.  And he adores you just the same. 

You love to talk and can say just about anything that you hear.  You speak in sentences, often although sometimes you like to try and fuss to get something instead.  :)   You are opinionated and don't think twice about letting people know if you are happy, or if you dislike something.  You have obsession with hats and you love to wear a jacket or sweatshirt with shorts.  You LOVE shoes and even enjoy wearing them with your pajamas.  You switch back and forth between being a daddy's girls and a mommy's girl, but ultimately you are very independent and love to do things on your own. 

You love the outdoors and will often refuse to eat lunch because you want to go play in the backyard.  You have a sensitive spirit about you and you cry when corrected, no matter how gentle. 

Mommy and daddy are so blessed by the gift that God gave us in you.  We promise yo watch over you and love you and will do our best to raise you in a way that is pleasing to God. 
Happy Birthday my sweet, angel girl!!!  We love you "To the moon and back!"

Mommy and daddy

Marriage Retreat

A couple weekends ago we had the opportunity to go on the marriage retreat with our church.  It was a wonderful time, away from our kids (whom we love dearly), learning more about each other and our marriage and fellowshiping with others from our church. 
I would encourage anyone who has the opportunity to go on a retreat of this type to go!  It is so healthy and refreshing to ones marriage. 

 Here are some pictures from the retreat weekend, up in Idyllwild. 

Life

Well...I am going to try my hand at this blogging thing again.  I had stopped for a while...a long while really.  Life had gotten to busy (still is I am sure), I felt that I needed to be more private about something occurring in my family's life, but really it was just a time issue.  Not that I have much more time, but I am going to give this a whirl! 

Life has been crazy, since we came back from England (I promise a post about England soon).  As we move into fall this is typically a busy time for us.  Lots of changes are going on at church.  We just added a third service on Sunday mornings.  We are getting ready to divide junior and senior high youth group up.  I am back to work...only 4 days this year.  After much prayer we felt that we needed to take the financial leap and cut my work year by 20%.  It has been about 2 months so far and I am loving this!  Chris started back teaching at PLNU, he is teaching two classes this semester.  He is stepping back from his personal graphic design business and believes that God is calling him into more ministry based jobs.  As crazy as life is, we both are very happy and at peace with all going on.  God is amazing!

The kids are getting huge.  Ethan is in pre-K four days a week.  ON Mondays he is home with me, doing chores around the house, doing homeschool activities and just having fun.  Kinlee is 17 months.  I can't believe how fast she is growing up.  She is saying single words and trying hard to repeat after everything you say.  She is a girl through but can hold her own around the boys.  She loves all things girly...shoes, make-up, clothes, shoes, dolls, soft blankets, more shoes.  The girl LOVES shoes!!

 I'll leave you with a few pictures of the fam.  It is time to go work with Ethan on some activities, mop the floor and do some laundry.  I love my Monday's off!!! 

Private

It has been a long time since I have written here.  I miss it.  It has been a wonderful outlet for me and the process of writing here has brought me joy, healing, silliness and venting.  :) 
But my quietness here has been for a reason.  I haven't completely comfortable putting thing that I thought out there lately, but I do have stuff to say.  So after much thought and prayer, I am going to be making my blog private.  I don't know if it will be private forever but I know that this is something I need to do. 
I am sure I don't have many readers left, but if I do and you are interested in continuing to read what I may post feel free to let me know.  Give me your email and I will add you to the list of subscribers. 
Hope everyone has a great night!

Compromise

Compromise is a word that has been on my mind lately.  Everywhere I turn I seem to be hearing people say it, I am talking about it with others, and hearing others talk about it.  At first it sounds like a good thing.  You and another person are find a mutual place to come to an agreement.  What's wrong with that?  Lot's actually. 
When I researched it Webster's Dictionary had three basic definitions of Compromise. 

Compromise:
A.  settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions   
B.  something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things
C.  a concession to something derogatory or prejudicial

Compromise is something that the world loves.  If you really pay attention you hear lots about it.  One of the greatest places that I think you hear about compromise is marriage.  You hear it all the time...in fact I might have even said it before:  Marriage is about compromise.  I have to disagree.  I feel that that phrase can cause some harmful repercussions.  In all honesty the phrase is probably supposed to be about innocent compromises like what movie to get from the red box (if you have kids you know it's all about redbox...forget the movie theater), and what to eat for dinner.  Unfortunately, I think phrase, the word compromise has cause more harm than good.  And people are compromising things that they should be standing firm on. 


Recently my heart has been aching for the young girls I know or work with who have been in dating relationships that were less than healthy.  In the after math, when the heart break sinks in and they are wondering how they got down that road with someone they know has different morals or values each one has told me they felt that marriage was about compromise so they felt that in dating when looking at a potential spouse some compromises must be made, that's normal, that's what marriage is about afterall.  

It's just the lie that the enemy wants you to believe.  The lie is that life is about compromises, a little compromise here and there never hurt anyone.  Right?  Wrong!  That's how all sin, all mistakes, start.  It starts with a tiny compromise that leads to another compromise and a bigger one and so on and so forth until one day you look up and realize you can't see where you started and you can't see the truth and you don't know where you are going.  

So my plea is this, especially to young girls, don't compromise your morals, your values, your ethics.  That isn't what marriage and relationships are about.  Stand firm in the TRUTH of God.  Look at what He wants for you in a relationship and don't compromise that for anything.   You are beautiful and God has the perfect one for you...and he will meet all your expectations, without compromise; but most importantly he will meet God's expectations for you. 

 

Broken:Rebuilt

This past weekend we had an amazing winter youth retreat.  This is the third retreat that our kids have done that wasn't just Chris and I taking them on a trip to Lake Arrowhead for the weekend with a little bible teaching and some snowboarding thrown in.   We went to a Christian camp up in Big Bear with Calvary Chapel Joshua Springs; they rock by the way!  The whole thing was awesome.
The theme was Broken: Rebuild and like the theme suggest lots of break down was done and lots of rebuilding with Jesus Christ as a foundation was done.

Chris and I have begun to notice a theme though with being in ministry, specifically with preaching/teaching:  there is some sort of unspoken rule that you live out your sermon before you give it.  Chris had the opportunity to speak to the campers the first night and his topic for the retreat was broken!  And broken we had been.

The week leading up to camp was pretty insane and intense in our house.  Chris and I were not particularly nice to one another and our kids were pretty cranky.  Work was more stressful than normal but Friday was just insane and after being awake for about 30 minutes new that the enemy didn't want this to happen!  Chris and I got into a fight (about something stupid).  Auntie took Ethan to school, I stormed out (angrily I might add) to work and Chris went about his day trying to dot all the "i's" and cross all the "t's" for camp.  Chris had to, unexpectedly, go pick up a kid whose ride bailed at the last minute (which he was happy to do).  So Chris was getting ready to go and get him around noon.  I was leaving work at noon to go home and pack my things then was going to pick up my kids and go trade them with a friend for her high school daughter who was come with us to the retreat.  15 minutes from home Chris calls to ask if I had left work yet and I could tell in his voice something bad had happened.  Turns out Ethan fell from a stool at school and school reported that his tooth went through his lip.  Well let's just say for Ethan that is an automatic trip to the ER.

Chris was already pretty beat up by the enemy at that point (but other stuff that happened that day) and immediately thought I wouldn't be able to come to the retreat at all, which would have made it the fourth one I had to miss, in a row.  I had a feeling that the enemy wasn't done with us so when Chris told me about Ethan I was eerily calm, I was expecting something.  I went to pick him up from school.  He was disappointed to see me as he knew my presence at school meant he was on his way to the hospital.  We stopped at home to get his medication said goodbye to dad, who left to go pick up the youth kid and head to church to meet the bus and the rest of the kids.  We had decided that I would take Ethan to the ER and we would take the afternoon one step at a time in regards of me attending the retreat.  We prayed before we all ran out of the house in our separate directions.  God gave us all a calm and Ethan and I continued on to the ER.

The ER trip was fantastic.  About 15 minutes before the bus pulled out the parking lot I was able to let them know that Ethan was fine.  He didn't actually puncture his lip but he probably just bit his lip really hard on both sides when he fell.  So since there was no puncture he didn't need stitches just one shot of meds and we were going to be out the door.  Since Ethan was much better than we all anticipated we decided that I would finish up at the ER and one of our youth workers would wait and we would drive up together when everything was finished.

Her and I arrived at the camp at about 10pm.  It had taken the kids over 5 hours (should have taken 3) to get there as the traffic was the worst anyone had seen in a long time.  Chris arrived 15 minutes before he was to go on and speak.  But as he arrived he found out that the other church's bus had broken down with 50 junior highers on it and they had no way to get them all up there.  So he talked to our bus driver (whose services for us were donated by the owner of the company) into going down and getting those kids, twice; it took two trips to get them all.  The last group arrived 10 minutes before I did.  Chris did his sermon and shared with the kids how broken he felt at that moment right then and there!  But God does amazing things and by His grace everything worked out.  Ethan was fine, I got to go to the retreat, our bus made it on time for Chris to give his sermon.

Oh and did I tell you that the guest speaker had to have an emergency surgery to remove infected tonsils and wasn't supposed to be recovered enough to speak, he did (and I will eventually share more about him and his ministry).  And the guest worship leader/guitar player had his forearm bitten and mauled by a dog a week before the trip; he played and was amazing!  The other couple that came with us to lead the kids had a death of close family member just two days before; they came and were blessed and were awesome with the kids (we couldn't have done it without them)!  The head youth pastor of the other church found out he had a medical condition and needed to have surgery immediately following the retreat (today), but he was there and happy and gave a great sermon too.

 It was amazing, despite the brokenness God was there and moved so mightily in the kids and adults lives.  Numerous re-dedications, some new believers in Christ, and some walls broken down from some kids who have had to go through way too much in their short life.  Not to mention lots of friendships and bonding.  God won this one.  Nice try enemy, our foundation is build on GOD!