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As I sat at the red light waiting for it to turn green, he asked me why he was going with me to his sister’s doctors appointment. I reminded him that he had a hurt arm and that we had to go to his doctor too. He immediately knew what that meant and as I turned around to look him straight in the eyes he had tears in his eyes and told me he didn't want to go to get pokie's (shots). My eyes started to tear up as I told him how sorry I was, but that this was what was best for him. A single tear ran down my cheek and I told him it would be okay that he would get his shot of medicine and then his arm would be better and we go about our day as normal.
This wasn't the first time he needed to get meds, no there have been many other times before. This wasn't the first time I teared up about having to have my son get shots to treat the hemophilia, no there were many other times before. But this was the first time I cried in front of him. I am always careful not to get emotional about his "ouchies." I don't want him to freak out; I have always waited until after the treatment is over and he has gone to bed to cry. He is looking to me, to see my reaction. At his age, my reaction will dictate how he will react. He is looking to me to keep him safe. He is looking to me for love and to make him feel secure in every situation that we face. It is my job.
As I went about the rest of the day, I couldn't help but think about God and how hard it must be for Him to love us so much that He has to put us through the refiners fire to make us whole and pure in Him. That pure perfect love, when you don't just stand there watching someone do something you know is not good for them, but instead you gently tell them what they need to hear. Maybe they need to know how their actions will impact their life, or how their actions impact others life's. All to often I think we are too quick to nod our head and smile, instead of offering instruction and guidance, true love.
Our son trusts his daddy and I to protect him and take care of him. Unfortunately it sometimes mean we have to restrict him, or we have to take him to get pokies because his body needs the medicine. He doesn't like it, it makes him sad. But maybe he occasionally needs to see that mommy and daddy are just as sad about his ouchies as he is. I trust God has the best for me and sometimes it is good to be reminded that He sheds tears for me.
