Friday, December 31, 2010


In some ways I can't believe that 2010 is over, in other ways I can't believe it has taken this long to over. As I have been reflecting back, I think it is safe to say this has been the most difficult year of my/our lives. This has been a year of incredible highs and some of the lowest lows for Chris and I, in just about every aspect of our life, spiritually, emotionally, personally, financially, you name it. But it has also been the year I have so clearly seen God's hand in the trials. In what I consider to be the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with (sorry for the vagueness, but for the privacy of others it just isn't appropriate to divulge all info on this trial), I was amazed to see God's hand move in ways that I thought would never happen and frankly where not possible. But God continues to amazing me and show me that nothing is out of His reach and nothing is impossible for Him, which gives me continued hope for healing for others, and continued hope for this coming new year.
This has not been all valley's we have had some great things happen in our own life and are so looking forward to many things. One of which is the upcoming birth of our baby girl (more updates to come on that later). I am excited to see the wonderful things God will continue to do in 2011! Hope everyone has a great night.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Knowledge or Ignorance

About two weeks ago I found myself wondering "Is ignorance bliss, or is knowing half the battle." Kind of a weird question I guess, but at that moment I was seriously contemplating that. I am about 15 weeks pregnant with our second child (since I have not blogged much lately, I guess that was my official announcement about that). When I was pregnant with Ethan we found out I had an "incompetent cervix." I had to have emergency surgery to keep from giving birth in the second trimester and then the 15 weeks of bedrest. The doctors told me the second time would be different. Yes the medical issue is still there but the surgery would be preventative, would take place early on and I would have minimal bedrest, hopefully only as a recovery to the surgery. At that time I thought knowing is half the battle; next time around this will be manageable.
Well I had the surgery about two weeks ago. I was shocked at how much pain I was in. I didn't remember the pain from the surgery before, I just remember the annoying bedrest. Chris gently reminded me that I was in the hospital for days following the first surgery and had an IV that nurses where pumping meds into. I was in a state of shock by all that was going on that I must have missed that piece where the nurses where pumping me full of pain killers. Ignorance is bliss!?!?
This time I came home hours after the surgery. I thought bedrest would be nothing, for crying out loud I was on it for 15 weeks last time, this time it was only for two weeks. As long as everything recovered fine. After a day or two I found myself annoyed at bedrest and wondering how on earth I could handle this for another week or more. Really, "Hello Amanda, 15 weeks last time, two this time." What a baby I was being. So I started to wonder, why did this seem more challenging for me? I knew what to expect. I think for me, in this situation, I did much better with the ignorance. When I did not know what was going on, and the doctors were telling me if I got up my baby could be born right then and there, I just did what they said. Not that it wasn't hard (I really struggled emotionally with all of it) , but I was just in a state of shock with all this new info. This time I know the risk, I know that everything that can be done preventatively was and is being done and I know the surgery was done WAY before it became a problem so staying in bed was hard!
I still think that the majority of the time knowing is half the battle, but in this case, my type A personality took over yet again and had it all planned out, and it turned out to be harder than I expected. When will I learn that God is in control and I need to give it all to him and find joy in the moment and not expect things to go my way. As much as I love to know all, some times I do better when I am ignorant.
Does that make sense? Does anyone else feel that way?