Miracles

**I have written this post hundreds of times in my head; it always come out different and eventually I decide not to write. I have felt compelled over the last week to sit down and write this post. I have struggled to post it because part of me feels this is not my story to share and as a mother I want to protect my child from the things in this world that may hurt him. However I honestly feel that for some reason I am to share this story. **

If there is one thing I have learned in the last two years since getting pregnant and having a child it is this, don't judge. You never why people make the decisions they do, you never know what goes on behind closed doors and even if you did, you have not walked in their shoes and don't know what decision you would make if you did walk in their shoes. I say this because it is this judgement that I have seen first hand that I want to protect my child from.

Ethan has Hemophilia B. In bare basic terms Ethan's blood has trouble clotting. We have struggled to share this information out a feeling of protection. We want to protect Ethan from the thoughtless comments, the ignorance and the judgment that people pass, often times out of pure ignorance and nothing else. Unfortunately those things exist (and it still hurts, intentional or not) and Chris and I have dealt with them personally. Ethan's condition is genetic and we knew prior to having him that this was a possibility. After much thought and prayer we felt God calling us to have children. Some people don't understand that, and that is ok.

Everyone has a purpose in life and Chris and I feel that Ethan is no different. We feel that this diagnosis is a part of his purpose in life. It is not secret that I had a very complicated pregnancy and medical statistics for my condition tell us that I should have had a late term miscarriage (for those of you new to my blog this has already been covered). Something drew me to go to the hospital that night and something made the neonatologist check one last thing before sending me home. I could have lost him but I did not. That in itself is a miracle. So when he was diagnosed at 2 weeks old I struggled, why was my child born with this? The genetic odds could have gone the other way and they did not. I was not mad, honestly, I knew the odds. I have thought about the possibility of having a child with Hemophilia for as long as I have thought about children. I did the research, I choose a career that would allow me to have good benefits (the meds for this can be expensive) and yet would allow me to be at home with my child a good amount of time. I was open with Chris and his family shortly after we began dating. Chris and I talked, prayed, talked and prayed some more (as you see I can be a little type A). So I honestly was not mad but I struggled to wrap my brain around the idea that Ethan survived this pregnancy and was born with this. Why one miracle and not another?

It took sometime and prayer and long conversations with Chris to come to this conclusion: Ethan is a miracle (as are all children), God made him as he is to be and who am I to put God in a box and say that this is not a miracle because it is not the miracle I define. Contrary to those that believe in prosperity doctrine, God is not punishing me and Chris and Ethan for not believing enough. Everyone has something wrong with them, no one is perfect, so to speak, and God can use that to his glory. The conclusion Chris and I came to is simple, God has a plan for Ethan bigger than me, bigger than Chris and bigger than the Hemophilia and just maybe the Hemophilia will be a catalyst for others to see God in his life. I pray that what ever God's plan is for Ethan that he will be open to this plan as he grows and that God will always be glorified in all of our decisions, and that is a miracle too.

Boombox

Ethan loves his leapfrog vehicle refrigerator magnet. The toy plays music and the whole idea is to match the front half of a vehicle with back half of the vehicle. When you get a match a little song plays. There is also a button that if you push it sings a little song about cars, trains and other transportation devices. Ethan feels that this is his boombox. He has figured out that he can pull it off the 'fridge, push the button and walk around the house caring it and music will follow him. He has little to no interest in matching the vehicles, he just wants his music to follow him around.

Dinner time

As a working mother, I look forward to those precious few hours that I get to spend with Ethan when I get home from work. I rush to the babysitters to pick him up and hope to hear that he was a good boy, had good naps, ate well, and since I used to be a clean freak (that was before Ethan) I hope he is clean. Today I picked Ethan up, he was a good boy, he did not nap all day (not babysitters fault he has been protesting lately), but he ate all day (I am sensing a growth spurt coming), and his white shirt was not clean. All that eating he did got in the way of a clean shirt.
Since Ethan had not gone down for a nap all day he was a little clingy when we got home and was pretty tired. My goofy, active boy was not in a playful mood. Chris was going to be coming home from the office late, but Ethan needed dinner quick before he crashed into bed. So the chicken casserole I planned for us all was a no go for Ethan. So he got dino chicken nuggets with ketchup, veggies and freeze dried fruit (those of you health nut, remember I was planning a chicken casserole, but Ethan had other ideas, I was desperate, so dino nuggets it was).
Ethan enjoys dipping things in ketchup; this is a new found discovery. When he was done with his chicken I looked up, from making the casserole for Chris and I, and saw to my horror Ethan dipping his fruit in the ketchup. Disgusting! What is with kids and ketchup, they will put it on anything. Ethan had a blast with this dinner and got it all over his shirt (I forgot the bib until it was too late, pretty sure the white shirt is stained).


The picture below is Ethan with ketchup all over his fingers; he did not just put chicken in his mouth it was the fruit. He is loving this (or maybe he was loving my reaction).


Daddy got home just as Ethan was finishing dinner and quickly got him in the bath while I cleaned the dishes. This is Ethan all clean after a crazy long day with no nap and ketchup everywhere! Despite no nap and being cranky prior to dinner, he was running around the table laughing while I chased him with a camera. Just a typical Monday night. How did dinner go for you all?

Spring Break

4 boxes of tissue, three doctors appointments, trip to Palm Springs, trip to Victorville. That was my Spring Break. Working for a school district I get a bunch of time off and since I am a fulltime working mom I really look forward to these breaks. I must say this break did not go as I had planned (again there is this underlying theme running my life, maybe God is telling me something), however a good time was still had by all.

Ethan and I were both under the weather the whole week. Ethan has pretty severe seasonal allergies (poor guy) and I had a nasty cold (that I am pretty sure is now a sinus infection). Ethan ended up going to the doctor twice...once he was prescribed medications for his allergies, the second he was diagnosed with a cold on top of the allergies (he caught that from me I guess). My cold got so bad I even went to the doctor (I never go to the doctor). It was a pretty full week dealing with our medical problems.

When Ethan started feeling better we had a chance to head out to Palm Springs to visit with Chris' grandparents. Ethan had a great time running around the lawn in the beautiful Palm Springs sunshine.


We also had a chance to go to Victorville to visit with my family. Chris and I went to my sister and brother-in-laws house and painted my soon-to-be-here niece's bedroom. It is so cute (I did not take a picture though), pink and brown with a border of Mickey Mouse heads. Love it. Can't wait to be an Aunt.

Easter was spent with both my family and Chris' family in Victorville. We had a very nice time and Ethan really enjoyed the Easter egg hunt. This was the first Easter I had spent at home in probably 5 or 6 years. It was very relaxing and we really enjoyed the Easter message at the new church mom and dad are going to.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday; although we were under the weather, we had a great time with family and celebrating Jesus sacrifice for us. Isn't it great that Jesus died for all of us and then rose again. How humbling is the amount of love he shows to each and everyone of us.

Organization

In the last month or so Ethan has been into "organizing." As a self proclaimed organizer (some of my favorites days are when I get to reorganize my closet or cupboards, etc) you would think this would be wonderful. And when Ethan first started doing this I was very excited that I "passed" that trait down. Well I have started to learn that Ethan's version of organizing and mine are two completely different things and that is ok (I have plenty of time to shape this gift of his, hehe). I started to figure this out when took Chris's art books off the bottom self of out bookcase. I set all Chris's books in a pile (waiting to be boxed and sent to his office) and placed Ethan's books on the bottom shelf. After I was done Ethan walked over to the book shelf and began placing daddy's books back on the shelf, then he decided he wanted some of daddy's and his books on the shelves. He was so serious as he moved all the books. He would place each book on the pile and pat it a couple times and then each for another off the shelf and repeated that action. It was pretty humorous. As you can see by the photos he got the books everywhere, but he intently moved the books from place to place as if he had some sort of organized agenda in mind; I just wish I could figure out what his agenda was. :)